Sulkea Silmänsä
by wildface97
Summary: Jaykit discovers he is blind. Set just before The Sight. Cover image drawn by your's truly.


_Summary: Jaykit discovers he is blind. Set just before The Sight._

* * *

Embraced within the compact bramble bush, curled into the warm belly fur of Ferncloud, Jaykit couldn't help but sigh in contentment. The weather was still cold, although he wasn't able to tell from such a comfortable position, but he could still hear the howling wind rattling outside.

His littermates were further away, from what he could hear, making strange noises of excitement at what Jaykit could only think was the wind.

"Look!" Hollykit shrieked, "Did you see that fly away? Did'ja? Did'ja? What was that?"

"That was a leaf, Hollykit," Ferncloud replied, her stomach rumbled with amusement. The reply caused Jaykit to shuffle a little to get comfortable again. Why couldn't they all go to sleep anyway? They always had to be so loud, he thought begrudgingly.

"Leaf! Leaf, come back!" she cried with glee, her stubby legs attempting to run around in the small space within the nursery. Lionkit joined in with the excitement.

"You mousebrain," he teased, "there are leaves all under our paws!"

There was a moment of silence; Jaykit didn't understand what was going on, but he stretched his hind leg out and felt the crispy flooring beneath. _Are these leaves_, he wondered to himself. Suddenly, Hollykit retorted, "These aren't leaves, dummy! They don't look the same as the flying ones!"

Ferncloud moved into a more comfortable position, causing Jaykit to completely lose his warm spot, and he shivered irritably, feeling along with his whiskers to relocate the shuffling queen's belly. She replied, "They _are_ leaves, Hollykit; it's just that leaves can come in many shapes, sizes and colours. Think of them like cats. Each one of them is different."

Jaykit decided to intervene, "Leaves are leaves, and cats are cats. Can we all be quiet now? I just want a good nap, is that so much to ask for?"

"Now now Jaykit," Ferncloud's meow was stern," the world doesn't revolve around you. You'd understand the uniqueness of them once you open your eyes."

Crunches approached him, and he could smell the milky scent of his brother and sister towering above him.

"Yeah Jaykit, we opened our eyes earlier!" Lionkit mewed with pride, "There's so much to see! The quicker you open them, the sooner we can go out into the camp!"

The howling wind that he could still hear outside told Jaykit otherwise.

"Which part of me is my eyes?" he asked in annoyance. Maybe if he got it over with they would leave him be so he could continue with his nap.

A soft paw squished his face. "Here silly!" Hollykit squeaked, both her and Lionkit buzzing with excitement beside him. They had gotten even closer now; he could feel their pelts pressing up beside him.

"Fine," he sighed, and rubbed his own paw at his eye. They felt gross and gunky, he scowled, picking a little at whatever substance was sticking his eyes together.

"It helps if you give them a lick," Lionkit encouraged, "It helped me when I was opening mine."

"Oh? You're deciding to open your eyes, Jaykit?" Ferncloud asked, leaning over her stomach to peer closely at him. Jaykit could practically taste the squirrel she had eaten from her breath being in his face, "Let me help."

Suddenly he felt a large tongue lapping at his face, and he pushed back, startled, only to find that he had wedged himself between Ferncloud's face and her stomach. Trapped as the queen licked gingerly at his face, he tried to ignore his sibling's giggling at his embarrassment, pawing away at the queen as he struggled in her grip.

"Ew- _stop it_, I can do it myself!" he cried, taking a deep breath when she finally gave him some space to breathe air that didn't reek of fresh kill.

As much as he hated to admit it, Ferncloud's grooming had gotten most of the gunk out of the way, and his eyelids slid open quickly. He heard his siblings gasp, but all he did was scowl.

"Wow! Your eyes are _so blue_, Jaykit!" Hollykit mewed in amazement, "its like- like the colour of the _sky_! Yes! Well, maybe not the sky _now_; that's kind of grey right now, but it's cool Jaykit! You look awesome!"

Well, he wasn't so sure what the big deal was. He could feel his eyes stinging slightly at the first contact to the cool air, but that was it. If opening his eyes only brought a little discomfort, he certainly did _not_ see the fun of it like his siblings did. He looked around, annoyed to see no change, and sighed, "You guys got me all worked up for nothing." Before curling back up and settling by Ferncloud's stomach once more.

He could hear Ferncloud's disappointment in her voice, "It's alright Hollykit, Lionkit, I'm sure he's only unimpressed because he got woken up. Let's wait until tomorrow; he'll be more excited by then."

* * *

The next few days had gone by with both Ferncloud and Daisy teaching the kits about their environment. They still had yet to wander the camp, and the queens were trying their best to get the kits prepared so they didn't trample all of the residing warriors.

"Alright then," Daisy began, pulling a large leaf through the entry to the bramble bush. Jaykit could hear from the sound of the leaf being dragged across the floor that it was either very heavy, or there was heavy things on the leaf. From the new smells drifting in, he decided it was the latter.

"I brought in some things that you need to avoid once you start wandering in the camp. First, there's this-"

A couple _ooh's_ and _ah's_ came from his older siblings, but Jaykit merely sniffed for the object. It was slightly hard to detect; there wasn't much smell coming from it, but it mostly smelled of plants.

"This is a thorn," she announced, placing it down in front of her, "These are in a lot of places, in order to protect the camp in case of an attack, however they can hurt us too if we aren't careful. There's lots of these on the outside of this very nursery, so be sure not to bring any into the bedding. There's nothing worse than rolling around in a thorny bed."

Jaykit took a couple paces closer, sniffing to the ground where this '_thorn'_ lay. He could feel the queens gaze through his pelt, so he quickly asked, "Can I feel it?"

Both queens gave each other an awkward glance, unnoticed by Jaykit, before Ferncloud replied, "I suppose so… But be very careful not to prick yourself!"

Tentatively, Jaykit let his paw drift lightly across the leafy floor, his touch like a feather and gently locating the thorn. Once he made contact with it, he put a small amount of pressure of his pad onto the small object, feeling his way from the blunt end to the sharp tip. Thorns were like plant claws, he decided, taking a step back and allowing Daisy to continue with the lesson.

There was an awkward silence, one that made Jaykit's fur prickle with apprehension, before Daisy picked up the lesson once again.

"_Okay_… Well, this is a stick. You guys will be more familiar with this, as the den is made out of these, and they're pretty much everywhere outside. Now, I don't want you guys messing with these, because most of the dens are made of this, and if you accidently pull one out from the structure, you could weaken the dens. We don't want that, now do we?"

All three kits let out a chorus of _no's_, but Ferncloud could only look at Jaykit with a sick feeling welling up in her throat. Something was definitely wrong with him, instinct screamed to her. And for the first time, she hoped that her instinct wasn't right.

* * *

It had been three days since the kits had been allowed out of the nursery. Lionkit and Hollykit were being quite the nuisances to the other warriors; trying to meet everyone and attempting to help out the apprentices (when all they really did was cause them more trouble). Currently the double trouble were hassling their father, Brambleclaw for a small piece of prey from the fresh kill pile, despite them not being old enough to eat solids, and Ferncloud watched with amusement from the entrance of the Nursery. She had sat outside of it for a chance of fresh air; her belly was swollen with kits ready to be born any day now, and she hoped Squirrelflight's kits wouldn't be too boisterous around her own.

As usual, Squirrelflight was out hunting, making herself busy with clan duties and rarely checking in on her kits. It made Ferncloud frown; it seemed like Holly, Lion, and Jay were _her_ kittens these days. With only her and Daisy looking after the trio, they had started feeling like Squirrelflight was neglecting her kin somewhat.

Speaking of which, she peered down to her left to see the grumpy ball of grey fluff that was known as Jaykit. He had ventured very little in these few days he had been out of the Nursery, and whenever he did dare to wander, his nose would be twitching as mad as a cautious hare, his ears constantly flickering in all directions. His actions were more than timid, yet his words were constantly harsh and defensive, as if he didn't understand what he was doing wrong.

His actions had only confirmed her deepest fear, and she decided it was time she spoke to Leafpool about her worries. Ferncloud rose from her place, which caused Jaykit to jump in surprise as he rounded on her like a cat on its prey.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his eyes glaring at her – _no_, she hid a nervous swallow, they were looking in her _direction_, not _at_ her.

"I'm just going to see Leafpool," she said gently, then when she spotted him rising to join her, she hastily added, "I'll be nice and quick – do you think you could do me a favour and get me a nice plump mouse from the pile for when I come back? I'm feeling pretty peckish these days."

He took a hesitant turn towards the front of the camp where the fresh kill lay, his nose twitching a little, before he turned back and sighed out a, "Sure…"

Once he slowly made his way to the pile, Ferncloud took her chance to scurry to the medicine cat den, pushing past the tendrils that lead the way into the small crevice. Inside the dim cave, Ferncloud could make out the body of Leafpool near the back, fiddling with the crevice that held the herbs. She presumed she was checking the stock, since leafbare was nearly over, and approached the young she-cat swiftly.

"Good morning Leafpool," she greeted in a hushed tone, rushing her words.

Leafpool was startled from her stock, looking at Ferncloud in alarm before taking a shaky breath and asking, "Are you alright Ferncloud? Do you need anything? Not having any kit problems I hope."

"…Actually, I am," she confessed, "But, not with my kits. With _Squirrelflight's_ kits. Jaykit in particular."

She doubted she had ever seen Leafpool as distressed as she was there and then.

"_Why_? What's wrong with him? Has he hurt himself? Oh Starclan, _I_ _knew_ he was a little frail when we got him back into the camp, but I didn't know anything was wron-"

"No, no, not like that!" Ferncloud reassured quickly. Leafpool was rambling as if he were her _own_ kit, for Starclan's sake! She understood that Squirrelflight had given birth to them outside of the camp, and Leafpool was the only one who had accompanied her, so there was a deep connection with her and her sister's litter. To be fair, it seemed more like Leafpool checked on the trio more often than their mother did.

"Well, it's nothing alarmingly concerning, but…" She sighed, how was she supposed to speculate this without making it an accusation?

"I-I think. I think Jaykit may have sight problems," she confessed, "Or, he might be _completely_ blind – _oh I don't know_! He's having a lot of trouble getting around, and he's _never_ made eye contact with me once. That could be a coincidence, but things are starting to add up, so I wanted a medicine cat's opinion on the matter. I don't want to be making trouble out of nothing."

Although Leafpool's expression has calmed down from her fretting a few seconds previously, her expression was still quite shocked.

"_Blind_…" Leafpool whispered faintly, as if tasting the word and rolling it around on her tongue. She gave an audible swallow, then her expression calmed and she rose her head maturely, "I'll… I'll speak with him tomorrow. Have a test, if you will."

That seemed logical, Ferncloud agreed. Doing the test immediately would arouse suspicion that she had made him have such a test, and she didn't want a kit she had raised herself to hate her for it.

Leafpool seemed to falter in her next words, "I'll have to… Have to tell Firestar, as well as Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight about it first though. Make sure I have their consent."

Ferncloud nodded her head immediately, "Of course! Perfectly understandable! Thank you Leafpool, you always know what to do!" and with a gentle nuzzle against her pelt to show appreciation, she headed back to the Nursery.

Jaykit was carefully padding his way up to the nursery too, with a cleanly killed mouse stuffed in his jaws. She tried not to be touched at the fact he had sniffed out the nicest looking mouse for her (as some of the recent apprentices had some rather messy killing techniques that involved the prey to bleed out everywhere). His overworking nose must have caught wind of her, as his head perked up in her direction, and instead of heading for the nursery itself, he made his way up to her.

Maybe he _could_ see, she wondered as he approached. _Maybe_, he was just a bit slow, and was a little clumsier than most. Could a blind cat really be so picky with choosing prey out of the pile? What if he was just actually a timid kitten that hid behind big words?

She almost completely doubted her suspicions until a cry from Lionkit startled all of the camp members.

"Jaykit, _look out_!" he cried, an echoing cry from Hollykit, as a stick projectiled through the air towards Jaykit.

Instead of ducking, Jaykit swivelled around to face the stick, as if he had heard it whipping through the air, yet he stood still and allowed it to tackle him right in the face. Any normal cat would have been able to move away from that, Ferncloud fretted, making her way to him as quick as her straining belly could allow her. Jaykit was sprawled out on the clearing floor, seemingly choking on the mouse which had been shoved part-ways down his throat from the impact of the stick, so she quickly removed it from his jaws and he coughed, gasping in shock before reaching his nose and screeching an annoyed, "That _hurt_ you _fox-brained __**idiots**_!"

Daisy yowled from the Nursery, charging out like a raging Two-leg monster, "_Hollykit, Lionkit, what did I say about messing with the den foundations_!?"

"_We didn't know it would snap across the camp like that_!"

"_You shouldn't have been playing with them to __**begin**__ with_!"

As Daisy bickered with the other kits, shoving them towards the nursery for a good telling off, Ferncloud helped push Jaykit onto his paws with a nudge from her muzzle.

"Are you okay?" she asked, worried. Brambleclaw began approaching them, giving stern looks towards the nursery.

"I'm _fine_!" he snapped in agitation, his hackles raising in annoyance and embarrassment.

Brambleclaw had reached Jaykit's side, "Shall we get your nose checked out Jaykit? It's bleeding a little bit-"

"_NO I'M FINE_-"

"Ugh, I'm going to be giving them a stern talking to after Daisy's done with them. That was so reckless of them! I had refused to let them play with the food so they ran off to play with the dens? What were they _thinking_? Come on Jaykit, let's go see Leafpool."

"_I TOLD YOU I'M FINE – YOU'RE IGNORING ME AGAIN_-"

Ferncloud could only shake her head with a sigh. Brambleclaw was very awkward around his kin. He didn't seem like he knew how to be a good father, although he did try considerably with them. At least he was nothing like _his_ father. She looked down at the now dusted mouse, littered across the clearing. Her paw patted it down a little, and she shrugged. No use wasting the food, she guessed.

* * *

Leafpool released a shaky sigh. It was two days after she had spoken to Ferncloud about Jaykit; she had sat down with Firestar, as well as the deputy and her sister, and although they were all startled by the idea of Jaykit being blind, they permitted the idea of a quick test to be sure. Her sister had whispered whatever comforting words she could think of, and although Leafpool appreciated it, she couldn't say it took any of the edge off the idea.

She was originally going to do the test the day before, however Ferncloud had quickly gone into labour and the opportunity was lost. During the tormenting hours that were dragged on throughout the birth of Foxkit and Icekit, Hollykit and Lionkit watched curiously from behind a fretting Daisy, whilst Jaykit himself had left the den at the time. He had sat outside with Dustpelt, which had been awkward for the warrior, but he was sure to inform Leafpool that Jaykit's reasoning's was the smell of blood making him queasy. That information alone had sent Leafpool's blood racing; not much blood was released during the birth, and the scent was dull at best. This proved that Jaykit had heightened senses, which, although could be an asset, is also a typical sign towards blindness. She had heard plenty of times from Longtail that ever since he lost his sight he had developed stronger hearing and smell.

Her equipment was all set in her den; a leaf of clover that was freshly bloomed and a rotting leaf of the beech tree that stood over the clearing. This was all she would need, she guaranteed herself. It was a simple enough test, now to get the answers.

It was still rather late in the evening; the moon had only just hit the peak in which moonlight begins to pool into the clearing walls, and the midnight patrol was heading out of camp as soon as Leafpool had left her den. Giving them a quick nod, as well as one for Brambleclaw who was on watch on the Cliffside by the leader's den, Leafpool poked her head into the nursery. She initially looked over to Ferncloud, then remembered that now Ferncloud had her kits, the kits she was looking for were now snug next to Daisy.

She hoped she wouldn't wake anyone else up, "Jaykit," she whispered, and almost instantaneously his ears perked up and his large eyes opened. He peered over Daisy's stomach, coming into sight, before yawning and grumpily whispering a "_Leafpool_? What is it?"

"I need to talk to you privately; do you think you can come with me to the medicine cat den?"

He grumbled, but luckily wasn't loud about it, as he made his way around Daisy and out of the den. Once in the clearing, he gave a couple sniffs, "It's late," he groaned, "Why am I being kidnapped in the middle of the night? What did I do?"

She tried not to think of his choice of words too much, "I like to do this with every warrior to-be," she lied smoothly, making her way into her den and holding the tendrils out of the way with her tail for Jaykit, " A little test, I guess."

"Sounds creepy," Jaykit shuddered. She internally groaned. Why was her kit such a grumpy ball of fluff?

"It's very quick," she reassured, placing her clover leaf and beech leaf in front of him.

"Now," she started, "what is this?"

She placed her paw onto the clover first. His ears twitched at the sound of her placing her paw, and his nose immediately began to overwork.

"A leaf," he answered almost instantaneously.

"What _kind_ of leaf?" she persisted.

He pouted at this question, and for a moment Leafpool wondered if maybe he _could_ see and that he merely hadn't seen a clover inside of camp before, but then he pawed a little at it and replied, "It's fresh, newly grown. It's soft, and small, and we don't really get these in camp. I don't know the name of it."

Leafpool wanted to yowl at herself. That answer was pretty much _flawless_! She was more than positive he wasn't looking at the plant, but with an answer like that, _how could she say he failed_?

She huffed. Fine; part two. This leaf was found pretty much everywhere in camp, so no sneaky answers could work here.

"What's this one?" she asked, placing her paw on the beech leaf. It crunched on contact, mainly because the leaves were all rotten at this point, and he didn't even twitch his nose before replying, "A rotten leaf."

She persisted, "What does it look like?"

"It's rotten," he insisted, "It fell off of the tree and became stiff and crunchy-"

"What _colour_ is it?"

He faltered. Then, after a moment of thinking, he replied, "Rotten leaves can turn red, yellow, orange, and brown-"

"_What colour is __**this**__ leaf_?"

No reply.

"Jaykit," Her voice was stern, "Can you see t-"

"It's orange," he replied, voice stiff.

She slit her eyes warily.

"…Alright. You've passed the test, congrats Jaykit."

He let out a small breath, before looking up and asking, "Can I leave now?"

Leafpool looked the other way, "Yeah… You can go."

His paws pattered out of her den as fast as they could carry them.

Leafpool sighed in agitation; she knew now, she was sure that Jaykit was blind. Ferncloud had been right in her worries. But Jaykit was far smarter than he appeared. He had answered every one of those questions correctly, although she had to admit that last one must have been a fluke, but he technically passed the test, despite the fact he barely looked in the right direction for half of it.

Maybe he wasn't blind. Maybe he had some sight problems, but could see. She couldn't just prance about to the clan and announce that he was blind, when technically he had passed her test. Oh, if only Starclan would help her!

She growled to herself, lashing her tail as she swatted at a piece of moss. How _dare_ she ask Starclan for help? After she _betrayed_ them, broke their rules and had a litter, with a cat from another _clan_ at that! She could never ask Starclan any help now, no matter how much she needed it. She would have to leave it as that, she decided.

_The test was inconclusive._

* * *

Jaykit snuck back into the warm clutches of Daisy's stomach, wedged between his littermate's warm pelts. How dare Leafpool just whisk him away like that!? That seemed more like some sort of _interrogation_ than a "_warriors to-be_" test. And how come his littermates hadn't done one? And what did being a warrior have to do with _leaves_!? He scowled deeper into his pelt, curling up at tight as he could and hoping that everyone's surrounding fur could just bury him alive.

He was sick of the warriors whispering around him; he wasn't an idiot, he could hear most of the clan just from the nursery! He didn't understand what a _blind_ was, but he sure as heck didn't catch no _blind_! If they really thought he was a problem, they should just lock him away in the back of the medicine cat den if they were really that concerned.

Lionkit rolled onto his back, exposing his stomach and emitting a deep rumble through his body, lulling Jaykit to sleep beside him. His anger began to seep away and was replaced with drowsiness, and he felt his eyelids close.

_For the first time in his life, Jaykit was going to dream._

* * *

Warm wind whipped throughout the nursery, whispering into his ears and shaking his fur. He grumbled, wondering if someone was breathing down his back, and opened his eyelids to find they exploded on him.

He cried back with alarm, shutting his eyes that suddenly stung, because something _new_ happened, something _strange_ and _alarming_ and he didn't know what it was, but maybe something was in his eye. Tentatively, he peeked his eyes open once more, at a much slower pace, and a kaleidoscope of _things_ was around him.

Wide eyed, he shifted his eyes around, realising that these _things_ didn't follow his eyes. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, wondering if his wish had come true and he really had died from being buried under his sibling's fur, but then he could hear the heavy breaths around him, feel their pelts rising and falling against him, and he realised that he was back in his den beside his littermates, but when his eyes open those _things_ were still there.

His eyes shifted in the direction of where Lionkit was laying with his stomach sprawled out, and he realised with a sense of hysteria that this _thing_ was Lionkit's _shape_. _His very being_. It was _here_. And he could… _Envision_ it!

It was _better_ than sensing his presence, he was _physically there;_ his pelt dimmed from the night, but it was _there_, an actual _form_ _of being_, and when his eyes shifted to his other side, where his sister would be, there was another _shape_, another _breathing shape_, that was warm to the touch. She wasn't the same as Lionkit, or Daisy, now that he was shifting around every direction, they were all _different_, yet they all smelled of themselves and felt of themselves.

Why was this new _shape-sensory_ available to him? What gave him such an ability? He lifted his paw towards his eyes, and he realised that he too had a unique _shape_. A new _shape_ loomed over his body, and he moved his eyes to the entrance of the nursery den, to spot another _shape_, much larger than him or his siblings. These _shapes_, he realised, these were the _shapes of cats_. This figure too, must be a cat.

"Who are you?" he asked, wondering why no one stirred around him.

The larger cat spoke with a soft voice, "This, my dear Jaykit, is what it is like to _see_."

And suddenly it all made sense. He _looked_ down at the floor, to _see_ the many different _colours_ of the rotting leaves, _saw_ the _shapes_ and _patterns_ and _colours_ of his sibling's pelts, he was _seeing_ everything; _seeing_ the excitement of his siblings when they first opened their eyes, and he placed his paw over his eyes, to _see darkness_, like he had always _seen_, and when he put his paws down, darkness remained.

"…_No_…" he whispered, distraught that his moment of vision was lost. He lifted his paw to his eyes again, yet he saw nothing, just heard the rustling of his own movements, and suddenly, he couldn't handle it.

He couldn't see, he realised, his throat tightening and his lungs releasing a pathetic hiccup, _he couldn't see_!

He didn't care if he woke anyone up anymore; he raced out of the nursery and ran straight into the medicine den. He realised now, he realised what the test was for, what Leafpool was _really_ asking, and he ploughed straight into her sleeping form, terrifying the she-cat into waking up. She looked down at the shivering bundle of grey fluff hiccupping into her stomach, and all she could do was hold him close, as he wailed, "_Why don't my eyes work, Leafpool? Why can't I fix them_!?"

And for once, she could not answer, just buried him more into her fur and hope they both didn't suffocate from the pained feeling they both shared.

* * *

_Sulkea Silmänsä is Finnish for "To Turn a Blind Eye". If you understand the double meaning to this title, good for you.  
_


End file.
